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patent pending
not available in the super market
you’ll have to make your own home
made noodle weapon or leave
your victim the worst fate-
live –
if you’re a happy-home-maker
murderer, select the perfect
noodle- i recommend
for your first noodle kill,
the noose spaghetti, only if
you’re good at knots
and homemade jewelry-
knot the spaghetti strands
together into a necklace;
necklace your victim,
the spaghetti tightens when drying
ramen, a strangling-
if you failed your Boy Scout
Knot badge, try the poison ravioli:
any poison will do,
i prefer anti-freeze filling;
how to put the poison
in?  for a liquid, needle
inject until the ravioli
screams – if you use weak
poison the victim will
live, until the last
bite –

next week’s column: making
a stabbing noodle knife –
reader replies to the noodle